http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/-t1.htm Tell and read jokes ;) Fri, 23 May 2008 19:12:04 GMT 10 http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/cc209/Tymonerr/Untitled-2-29.jpg http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/-t1.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/funny-pics-t898.htm BigGaming Jokes Fri, 23 May 2008 19:12:04 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/funny-pics-t898.htm#5171 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/funny-pics-t898.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/arsenal-t662.htm karldebattista News has just come in that a shock Arsenal take-over taken place early this morning. Billionaire John Smith and his consortium led by Arsenal legend David Seaman take over with immediate effect. Other shocking news is that they board has removed the team from the Premier League and entered them into the newly formed World Premier League. We caught up with David Seaman this afternoon at his local fishing lake and got this response: "It's a big decison to remove Arsenal from ... Jokes Sun, 02 Mar 2008 14:47:19 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/arsenal-t662.htm#3986 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/arsenal-t662.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/american-way-of-robbery-t663.htm karldebattista True Stories of Some of the Dumbest Crooks on Earth: Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached ... Jokes Sun, 02 Mar 2008 14:57:30 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/american-way-of-robbery-t663.htm#3987 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/american-way-of-robbery-t663.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/history-rules-t660.htm Tymon A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance. 1. A dog 2. A donkey 3. A shovel 4. A fish 5. A Star of David They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least more than three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to ... Jokes Sun, 02 Mar 2008 14:21:23 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/history-rules-t660.htm#3977 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/history-rules-t660.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/adventures-in-teaching-t661.htm karldebattista My friend likes to read his two young sons fairy tales at night. Having a deep-rooted sense of humor, he often ad-libs parts of the stories for fun. One day his youngest son was sitting in his first grade class as the teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home. She said "...And so the pig went up to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said 'Pardon ... Jokes Sun, 02 Mar 2008 14:33:43 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/adventures-in-teaching-t661.htm#3983 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/adventures-in-teaching-t661.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-photographer-t659.htm karldebattista Here is yer Joke: The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, madam. I've come to...." "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really?" ... Jokes Sun, 02 Mar 2008 14:11:27 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-photographer-t659.htm#3974 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-photographer-t659.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/little-johnny-t658.htm karldebattista
Here is yer Joke:

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey,
Pop! What are you doin'?"
His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that
gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning."]]> Jokes Sun, 02 Mar 2008 13:59:40 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/little-johnny-t658.htm#3967 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/little-johnny-t658.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/lucky-damn-parrots-t641.htm Tymon A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male ... Jokes Fri, 29 Feb 2008 18:35:05 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/lucky-damn-parrots-t641.htm#3870 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/lucky-damn-parrots-t641.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/breast-size-s-t639.htm Tymon If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for... It is about time you became informed!

{A} - Almost Boobs...
{B} - Barely there.
{C} - Can't Complain!
{D} - Damn!
{DD} - Double damn!
{E} - Enormous!
{G} - GEEEEzus Christ!
{F} - Fake.]]> Jokes Fri, 29 Feb 2008 18:23:15 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/breast-size-s-t639.htm#3862 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/breast-size-s-t639.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/poor-rooster-t640.htm Tymon A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says, "What the hell is that all about?" The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm. There ain't nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other." Jokes Fri, 29 Feb 2008 18:30:08 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/poor-rooster-t640.htm#3867 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/poor-rooster-t640.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/how-to-cook-a-turkeythe-fun-way-t637.htm Tymon HOW TO COOK A TURKEY! (The Thanksgiving Special) Step 1:Go buy a turkey Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch) of JD Step 3: Put turkey in the oven Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink Step 7: Turn oven the on Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky Step 9: Turk the bastey Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey Step 13: Bake ... Jokes Fri, 29 Feb 2008 18:11:20 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/how-to-cook-a-turkeythe-fun-way-t637.htm#3851 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/how-to-cook-a-turkeythe-fun-way-t637.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/chickens-t636.htm Tymon "Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?"
"Nothing special sir," he replied. "We just
tell them straight out that they're going to die."]]> Jokes Fri, 29 Feb 2008 18:09:23 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/chickens-t636.htm#3847 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/chickens-t636.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/welcome-to-the-internet-t515.htm Tymon Welcome to the Internet No one here likes you. We're going to offend, insult, abuse, and belittle the living hell out of you. And when you rail against us with "FUCK YOU YOU GEEK WIMP SKATER GOTH LOSER PUNK FAG BITCH!1!!", we smile to ourselves. We laugh at you because you don't get it. Then we turn up the heat, hoping to draw more entertainment from your irrational fuming. We will judge you, and we will find you unworthy. It is a trial by fire, and we won't even think ... Jokes Tue, 05 Feb 2008 20:24:03 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/welcome-to-the-internet-t515.htm#2675 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/welcome-to-the-internet-t515.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-fbi-t481.htm Tymon Working With The FBI The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?" "Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes. What do you want?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. ... Jokes Sat, 02 Feb 2008 21:05:08 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-fbi-t481.htm#2494 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-fbi-t481.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-death-of-a-mother-t357.htm Tymon awaiting news of their mother.
Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom.
"Kid's......there's good news and bad news."
"The bad news is your mother's strength and will to
live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she
died a few moments ago"
"The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!"]]> Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:37:04 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-death-of-a-mother-t357.htm#1941 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-death-of-a-mother-t357.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/do-not-sneek-into-a-show-t487.htm Tymon John Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at George, Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in the parking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show. The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for John--100 pounds heavier ... Jokes Sun, 03 Feb 2008 21:09:24 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/do-not-sneek-into-a-show-t487.htm#2504 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/do-not-sneek-into-a-show-t487.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/don-t-ever-bring-a-dog-hunting-t486.htm Tymon From a radio program, a true report of a happening in Michigan, USA. A guy buys a brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee for $30,000 and has $400+ monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to the lake with the guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something ... Jokes Sun, 03 Feb 2008 21:06:44 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/don-t-ever-bring-a-dog-hunting-t486.htm#2503 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/don-t-ever-bring-a-dog-hunting-t486.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/bad-day-t480.htm Tymon I HAD A BAD DAY It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the following day. So the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly told the man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me ... Jokes Sat, 02 Feb 2008 21:02:20 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/bad-day-t480.htm#2493 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/bad-day-t480.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/a-farmer-boy-s-mistake-t368.htm Tymon It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up." "That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to." "Aw, come on," the farmer insisted. "Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't ... Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 20:07:19 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/a-farmer-boy-s-mistake-t368.htm#1963 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/a-farmer-boy-s-mistake-t368.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/ordering-a-pizza-in-2010-t366.htm Tymon ORDERING PIZZA IN 2010 This is so close to what is probably going to be happening in 2010 that we're not sure how funny this really is... Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number? Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order. Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir. Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610. Operator: Thank you Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number is 494-2366. ... Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 20:04:43 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/ordering-a-pizza-in-2010-t366.htm#1961 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/ordering-a-pizza-in-2010-t366.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/how-to-cook-a-turkey-t364.htm Tymon HOW TO COOK A TURKEY! Step 1:Go buy a turkey Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch) of JD Step 3: Put turkey in the oven Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink Step 7: Turn oven the on Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky Step 9: Turk the bastey Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours Step ... Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:57:02 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/how-to-cook-a-turkey-t364.htm#1951 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/how-to-cook-a-turkey-t364.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/health-tips-t365.htm Tymon For those of you who watch what you eat... Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies. 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. 3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans 4. The Italians drink ... Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:58:42 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/health-tips-t365.htm#1954 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/health-tips-t365.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-dog-is-welcome-but-t363.htm Tymon A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off ... Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:50:27 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-dog-is-welcome-but-t363.htm#1947 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-dog-is-welcome-but-t363.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/a-response-to-chain-letters-t362.htm Tymon THANK YOU Thank you to all my friends who sent me such important emails this year! It's so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform! Because of all of you I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out from you that it's good for removing toilet stains and rusting the arse out of 40-gallon drum. I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with a disease. I smell like a homeless f*@k, but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant because ... Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:48:24 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/a-response-to-chain-letters-t362.htm#1946 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/a-response-to-chain-letters-t362.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/something-that-not-even-a-queen-can-control-t361.htm Tymon At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II. They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses. As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well. This ... Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:45:37 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/something-that-not-even-a-queen-can-control-t361.htm#1945 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/something-that-not-even-a-queen-can-control-t361.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-stupid-nurse-t360.htm Tymon Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards." said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!" The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in ... Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:42:49 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-stupid-nurse-t360.htm#1944 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-stupid-nurse-t360.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/disnyland-left-t359.htm Tymon to get to Disneyland. They saw a sign that read 'DisneyLand Left.'
So they went home.]]> Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:40:21 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/disnyland-left-t359.htm#1943 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/disnyland-left-t359.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/how-many-lawyers-does-it-take-to-change-a-lightbulb-t358.htm Tymon How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the follow- ing agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part ... Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:39:15 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/how-many-lawyers-does-it-take-to-change-a-lightbulb-t358.htm#1942 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/how-many-lawyers-does-it-take-to-change-a-lightbulb-t358.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/a-question-about-hellin-the-exam-papertrue-story-t356.htm Tymon Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, ... Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:14:23 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/a-question-about-hellin-the-exam-papertrue-story-t356.htm#1940 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/a-question-about-hellin-the-exam-papertrue-story-t356.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-theif-the-car-and-the-hubcaps-t355.htm Tymon when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr.Truman
apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when
he was trying to steal his neighbor's hub caps.]]> Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:11:42 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-theif-the-car-and-the-hubcaps-t355.htm#1939 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-theif-the-car-and-the-hubcaps-t355.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/good-doggy-t354.htm Tymon From a radio program, a true report of a happening in Michigan, USA. A guy buys a brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee for $30,000 and has $400+ monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to the lake with the guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something ... Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:09:57 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/good-doggy-t354.htm#1938 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/good-doggy-t354.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/freeze-mother-stickers-this-is-a-fk-up-t353.htm Tymon A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F _ _ _-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. ... Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:07:07 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/freeze-mother-stickers-this-is-a-fk-up-t353.htm#1937 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/freeze-mother-stickers-this-is-a-fk-up-t353.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-p-on-the-keybored-t352.htm Tymon Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: "I don't have a 'P'." Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob." Customer: "What do you mean?" Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob." Customer: "I'm not going to do that!" Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 19:05:17 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-p-on-the-keybored-t352.htm#1936 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-p-on-the-keybored-t352.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/mac-vs-etch-a-sketch-t351.htm Tymon Mac vs. Etch-a-Sketch: You Decide __________ | ______ | ________ | | | | | ______ | 'But that isn't a fair | | | | || || comparison. People | |______| | ||______|| like the Etch-A-Sketch.' | | | o o | ... Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 18:56:01 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/mac-vs-etch-a-sketch-t351.htm#1934 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/mac-vs-etch-a-sketch-t351.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-cheating-man-t350.htm Tymon The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the "other man". The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.O.B. come onto the scene. Being a man of the 90's and all, he decided to handle the matter in what he judged to be sophisticated and business-like manner. He sent the ... Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 18:53:44 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-cheating-man-t350.htm#1933 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-cheating-man-t350.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-genius-kid-t349.htm Tymon There was this boy in high school that was what you would consider a nerd. Anyway he had his own lab in the basement of his home and one night he came up and said "Dad look what I made." So he poured a flask of fluid into a pot of soil and instantly grass started to grow. Of course his dad was really impressed with this and asked his son if he can make something to make his penis grow. His son thought for a minute and said that if he did then dad would have to buy him a ... Jokes Thu, 17 Jan 2008 18:50:01 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-genius-kid-t349.htm#1932 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-genius-kid-t349.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/new-weight-losing-program-t336.htm Tymon A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do. He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight loss program. The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old ... Jokes Wed, 16 Jan 2008 20:12:58 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/new-weight-losing-program-t336.htm#1884 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/new-weight-losing-program-t336.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/bill-gates-vs-motor-sports-t335.htm Tymon Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success. He decided to measure the accomplishments of Microsoft against General Motors. The comparison went like this: If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either ... Jokes Wed, 16 Jan 2008 20:04:06 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/bill-gates-vs-motor-sports-t335.htm#1883 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/bill-gates-vs-motor-sports-t335.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/too-stupid-to-own-a-computer-t334.htm Tymon This is a true story from the WordPerfect help line. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause". Actual dialogue of a former Word perfect Customer Support employee: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, ... Jokes Wed, 16 Jan 2008 19:57:34 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/too-stupid-to-own-a-computer-t334.htm#1882 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/too-stupid-to-own-a-computer-t334.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/god-will-save-me-t333.htm Tymon GOD will save me The police were going door to door warning everyone to evacuate because the river was rising. One door they came to, the man said "GOD will save me". The river continued to rise and he was forced to move everthing to the second floor of his house. A man in a boat came by and offered to save him. Again he said "GOD will save me". Pretty soon the second story was flooded and he was forced to get on the roof of his house. A helicopter ... Jokes Wed, 16 Jan 2008 19:42:34 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/god-will-save-me-t333.htm#1881 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/god-will-save-me-t333.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/a-garbageman-a-teacher-and-a-lawyer-t332.htm Tymon Here is yer Joke: Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter ... Jokes Wed, 16 Jan 2008 19:38:37 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/a-garbageman-a-teacher-and-a-lawyer-t332.htm#1880 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/a-garbageman-a-teacher-and-a-lawyer-t332.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/how-did-god-program-earth-t331.htm Tymon od and the Computer In the beginning there was the computer. And God typed: %>Let there be light! #Please login. %>login God #Password?. %>Omniscient #Password incorrect. Try again. %>Omnipotent #Password incorrect. Try again. %>Technocrat #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1. %>Let there be light! #Unrecognizable command. Try again. ... Jokes Wed, 16 Jan 2008 19:34:09 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/how-did-god-program-earth-t331.htm#1879 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/how-did-god-program-earth-t331.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/annoyed-god-t330.htm Tymon Here is yer Joke: A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church. However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good- natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and ... Jokes Wed, 16 Jan 2008 19:30:21 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/annoyed-god-t330.htm#1878 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/annoyed-god-t330.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-technologicy-challanged-t329.htm Tymon The Technologically Challenged Just in case you think YOU are TC (technologically challenged), there's still hope: 1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged ... Jokes Wed, 16 Jan 2008 19:28:04 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-technologicy-challanged-t329.htm#1877 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/the-technologicy-challanged-t329.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/jonny-wants-ice-cream-t328.htm Tymon Little Johnny Wants Some Ice Cream Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, “Put that away Johnny! You can’t have ice cream now. It’s too close to supper time. Go outside and play.” Johnny whimpers and says, “There’s no one to play with.” Trying to placate him, she says, “OK, I’ll play with you. What do you want to play?” He says, ... Jokes Wed, 16 Jan 2008 19:24:30 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/jonny-wants-ice-cream-t328.htm#1876 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/jonny-wants-ice-cream-t328.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/impossible-to-please-t327.htm Tymon Impossible to Please A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." So ... Jokes Wed, 16 Jan 2008 19:22:57 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/impossible-to-please-t327.htm#1875 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/impossible-to-please-t327.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/girl-friend-10-t325.htm Tymon Girl Friend 1.0 Subject: -What software version are you running? I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of Drinking Buddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that Drinking Buddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I ... Jokes Wed, 16 Jan 2008 14:23:39 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/girl-friend-10-t325.htm#1869 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/girl-friend-10-t325.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/viruses-t324.htm Tymon New Viruses on the loose! Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB. AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. Politically Correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." Arnold Schwarzenegger ... Jokes Wed, 16 Jan 2008 14:19:09 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/viruses-t324.htm#1868 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/viruses-t324.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/microsoft-s-ways-t323.htm Tymon island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle
lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.

Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.

"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your hotmail e-mail account."]]> Jokes Wed, 16 Jan 2008 14:16:53 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/microsoft-s-ways-t323.htm#1867 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/microsoft-s-ways-t323.htm http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/you-know-your-an-internet-addict-when-t322.htm Tymon Email Anonymous You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed. You name your children eudora, aol and dotcom. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment. You laugh at people with 28.8 baud modems. You start using smileys in your snail mail. You find ... Jokes Wed, 16 Jan 2008 14:15:15 GMT http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/you-know-your-an-internet-addict-when-t322.htm#1866 http://metachronos.forummotion.com/jokes-f28/you-know-your-an-internet-addict-when-t322.htm