do not sneek into a show...

John Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great
state of Washington, decided to attend a local
Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at George,
Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among
them) they sat in the parking lot, and after
finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy
enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and
sneak into the show. The two friends pulled their
pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was
for John--100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over,
and then assist his friend over the fence.
Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop
on the other side of the fence. Having heaved
himself over, he found himself crashing through a
tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large
branch which snagged him by his shorts. Dangling
from the tree, with one arm broken, John looked
down and saw a group of bushes below him. Figuring
the bushes would break his fall, John removed his
pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts
to free himself from the tree. When finally free,
John crashed below into Holly bushes. The sharp
leaves scratched his entire body and now being
without his shorts, he was the unwilling victim
of a holly branch penetrating his rectal cavity.
To make matters worse, his pocket knife proceeded
to fall with him and landed three inches into his
left thigh. Seeing his friend in considerable pain
and agony, Sal decided to throw him a rope and pull
him to safety. However, weighing about 100 pounds
less, he decided the best course of action would
be to tie the rope to the pickup truck. This is
when things went from bad to worse. In his drunken
state, Sal put the truck into the wrong
gear,pressed on the gas, and crashed through the
fence, landing on and killing his friend. Sal was
thrown from the truck, suffered massive internal
injuries and also died at the scene. Police
arrived to find a pickup truck with its driver
thrown 100 feet from the vehicle and upon moving
the truck, a half naked man, with numerous
scratches, a holly stick up his rectum, a knife in
his thigh, and a pair of shorts dangling from the
tree branches 25 feet in the air.